i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
