carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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