I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
