Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING