Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here