i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog