Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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