he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
