he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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