I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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