I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
