You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
