2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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