My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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