I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
