she woke up with a sticky ear
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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