im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
