WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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