my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
