it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
