people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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