i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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