he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
