She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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