so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
