Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
