Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
