I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
