what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
