Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
