You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
