We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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