Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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