you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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