I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
