You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
