Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
