When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
