Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
