those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
