meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
