Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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