I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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