in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
