Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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