I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
