What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
