My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
