There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
