Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
