I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
