Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
