he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
