he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I deserve this hangover.
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