he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize