i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What a dumb baby whore.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
soo... how was my night?
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