true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
