I didn't shave. On purpose
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
