I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
