i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
