peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
