im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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