turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
