i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
