honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
