Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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