I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
