my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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