I looked at my own cervix.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
