Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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