Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Randomize
