just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
