I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
