Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
