She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
