Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
