god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
