i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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