I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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