have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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