he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
