I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
