how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
