i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
