I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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