was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
